How To Build Self-Confidence In Your Baby
How To Build Self-Confidence In Your Baby
It is tempting to help babies accomplish tasks that appear too difficult, but this can interfere with the learning process. A baby's first instinct is to carry out his actions by himself, without anyone helping him.
Frustration and failure are important aspects of the learning process. Every time you do something for your baby that he could do by himself, you are denying him the opportunity to feel a sense of accomplishment from mastering a difficult task.
He may even start to feel incompetent, which is not the message you want to convey. For example, if your baby is trying to build a tower with blocks, it does little good for you to build one for him. His pleasure and sense of accomplishment will arise from struggling to build one himself and finally succeeding, not from seeing you build one.
When babies and toddlers become frustrated while attempting a difficult task, they sometimes cry or even have a temper tantrum. The most helpful response is to allow the crying and be an empathic listener. You can let your baby know that you understand how he feels by saying, for example, "You're really mad because you can't get that cover off the box." After a good cry, when he has calmed down, he may suddenly be able to do what he could not do before!
But even if he can't, at least he will have vented his frustration. To help a frustrated baby not only denies him an opportunity to learn, but may also prevent him from releasing the feelings of frustration that have already occurred. These will cause tensions until he is allowed to release them.
Babies become frustrated when the world does not work according to their expectations, for instance, when a round peg does not fit into a square hole, or when they are pushing a toy truck sideways and it won't roll that way. At such times they also need to cry and rage. They will, of course, never be able to do what they are trying to do, but once they have cried, they will be better able to accept and understand these new pieces of information about the world.
Sometimes it does make sense to help babies. If you see that your baby is becoming so frustrated that he gives up altogether, or if he is clearly asking for help, then it is quite appropriate to respond promptly and help your baby overcome his difficulty. If you pay close attention to your baby's cues, you will learn to tell when he needs help, when he does not, and how much help is appropriate.
If you think that your baby has a legitimate need for assistance, you should do only the minimum necessary so your baby still has an opportunity to learn something and to feel a sense of accomplishment. Perhaps you can slightly modify the task to make it easier, or give a hint.
The fact that babies show signs of frustration indicates that they are very motivated to accomplish the task. It would be a shame not to make use of these high levels of motivation when they occur, because that is when meaningful learning can take place.
Some babies become very frustrated for several weeks before they finally master a developmental milestone, such as rolling over or crawling. These are called "developmental frustrations" and there is not much you can do other than offer your empathy,
After he has mastered a new skill, you will probably notice a period of relative peacefulness with less crying, at least until a new developmental frustration comes along. Sometimes doing less for our babies actually helps them acquire self-confidence. Frustrations are an inevitable part of the learning process.
Letting babies vent their emotions allows them to be well prepared for later learning because they will not have a backlog of frustrations. They will approach new educational experiences without tension or anxiety, and have confidence in their ability to master new skills, even those that appear at first to be very difficult and frustrating.